What is a twin flame?

What is a twin flame? Much like a soulmate or a karmic relationship, it’s the kind of union that feels written in the stars. There’s an unexplainable, instant familiarity – like you’ve known each other across a million lifetimes before. The chemistry is undeniable; the intensity next-level. It’s a connection that transcends all logic and reason, all space and time, all matter and form.

If this sounds mystical, that’s because it is – and not just in a new age spiritual way. The belief in twin flames has been around for centuries, since ancient Greece at least. “It can be traced back all the way to Plato’s days – though he didn’t call it that,” explains Linear Health psychiatrist Charles Sweet, M.D. “It’s rooted in the concept of one soul split into two bodies.”

Romantic, yes—until you remember that, in Plato’s telling, the fact that we even have a mythical “other half” started as a punishment. According to him, humans originally had four arms, four legs, and one head with two matching faces. These first human iterations could run in all directions and do cartwheels so fast that they became tricky to manage – so Zeus split them in half. “Since their natural form had been cut in two, each one longed for its own other half,” Plato wrote in Symposium, nearly 2,500 years ago. “Love is the name for our pursuit of wholeness, for our desire to be complete.”

Thus, a twin flame is just that: someone who feels just like your other half. Or, as Sweet describes, “a mirror of yourself.”

Like all mirrors, a twin flame relationship reveals you to yourself – and the reflection you see may not be the best. This is the point. “A twin flame relationship is meant to bring what needs to be seen and healed to the surface for both people involved,” explains spiritual coach Amanda Lieber. “A twin flame is meant to activate spiritual growth.”

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This is where the main difference between a soulmate and twin flame truly lies – a soulmate will gently hold your hand as you explore; a twin flame will force you to figure it out. “While soulmates feel harmony, twin flame connections are intense, triggering, and often unhealthy,” says Sweet.

Just as opposites attract, they also repel – and that’s where a twin flame relationship can sometimes feel like your own personal hell. A twin flame will dredge up your deepest wounds, forcing you to confront your patterns, and face your greatest opportunities for growth.

In psychological terms, this relates to what psychiatrist and thinker Carl Jung called our ‘shadow.’ “This ‘shadow’ holds our unacceptable experiences and beliefs that we hide even from ourselves,” explains Sweet. “Meeting your twin flame is like confronting parts of yourself you’ve disowned.”

On the other hand, “soulmates will literally exude unconditional love and make your nervous system feel calm,” says Lieber. In contrast, a twin flame relationship could feel “self-serving, unpredictable, and volatile.”

In other words, no one will trigger you like a twin flame. “They make you burn inside and push you to your limits,” explains astrologer Ivana Naskova.

If you’re following the definition laid out by Plato, then a twin flame is one half of a whole – and so a twin flame is singular. Otherwise, the dynamic would be called something else.

This brings us to another important distinction between twin flames and soulmates, of course. “A soulmate is someone from your intimate ‘soul family’—the group of souls you’re closely connected with, whom you choose to enter into the physical world with,” says Lieber. That means you can have multiple soulmates, but only one true twin flame. “A soulmate can technically be a parent or a best friend,” Lieber adds.

Twin flame relationships are usually romantic – after all, intimate partners tend to reveal our weaknesses and unhealthy patterns like none other.

That said, a twin flame doesn’t have to be a lover. Instead, they could be a friend (or frenemy), a mentor, or even a family member. “Whoever it is, they will play a key role in your life that is hard to forget,” says Naskova. “It’s important to understand the main purpose of this connection. A twin flame will push you to reflect on your life, recognise your weaknesses, and work on yourself. It’s more about spiritual growth, than romantic fulfilment.”

Let’s put it this way: There will be signs – and they won’t be easy to ignore. For one, there’s often an initial intoxicating sense of familiarity that quickly devolves into chaos and drama, something akin to love-at-first-sight that suddenly shifts into leave-me-alone. You may feel powerless, too. “There’s a feeling of something wild at play, almost like you’re being plunged into something that’s beyond your control,” says Lieber. “You might have a thought along the lines of, ‘I shouldn’t go here, but I can’t not.’”

This is usually accompanied by a lot of highs and lows. “This can trigger lots of self-worth issues and latent anger and frustration, which is precisely the point,” says Lieber. “In general, there’s something toxic about a twin flame relationship, but at the same time, you feel on a deep level that you’re meant to let it play out.”

Just beware: The belief that someone is your twin flame could keep you trapped in a toxic dynamic. “What’s often labeled as a twin flame connection might actually be a trauma bond, where unresolved childhood wounds get re-enacted,” notes Sweet. “When you’re trauma-bonded with someone, there’s an intense emotional attachment to the connection – even if unhealthy, abusive, or manipulative. It’s a common factor that keeps people stuck in toxic relationships because their brain associates the abuser with relief from the very pain they caused.”

For this reason, Sweet warns against getting too attached to labels like twin flame or even soulmate. “While they can be helpful for self-reflection, they tend to romanticise unhealthy dynamics,” he says. “A twin flame connection should inspire growth, not perpetuate cycles of codependency or emotional dysregulation.”

While the twin flame journey isn’t always linear, most do flow through a series of stages. First, it often begins with a shift within ourselves, whether we’re aware of it or not. “To start, there’s often a deep desire to evolve spiritually or to bring more love into your life,” Lieber says.

Recognition and awakening
As soon as you meet, everything changes fast. It’s like you’ve awakened to a whole new world. “It’s a moment of connection where the veil is lifted,” says certified spiritual coach Lisann Valentin.

The dance of shadows
This is where things start to get tricky – after an initial honeymoon phase, wounds, fears, and conditioning arise to be healed. “A twin flame is a catalyst,” says spiritual teacher Natalia Love Angelou. “It’s an alchemical union that sparks the deep evolution of the soul.”

Separation and growth
It’s not unusual for twin flames to separate and reunite repeatedly. This could be temporary or it could be for good. “The separation phase is especially significant because it forces individual growth,” says Sweet.

Alignment and surrender
If each person can evolve into versions of themselves that are a healthy match, they may reunite in what Angelou calls “sacred alignment.” More often than not, however, they accept that the lessons have been learned and part ways in order to continue their respective journeys alone.

A twin flame relationship will burn bright until its fire has illuminated the necessary shadows in each individual. Then, it usually goes up in smoke.

That’s not to say that a twin flame relationship can’t make it long term. However, to sustain a twin flame – or any – relationship, both people need to be willing to put in a lot of work. “It would be very taxing to endure this dynamic forever, which is why most twin flames burn out rather quickly,” says Leiber.

With that in mind, it’s also worth reiterating that it’s never worth staying in a toxic relationship – no matter how fated it seems. As cliché as it sounds, you really don’t need another person to complete you or to make you feel whole. “More important than seeking which of these labels is the best or ideal, shift your energy to come into complete union with yourself,” says Valentin. “Then let an aligned match who is also in union with themselves become magnetised to you.”

In other words, a twin flame can push you in the direction of growth, but the actual change must come from you. As the spiritual leader Ram Dass says so eloquently: “The real work you have to do is in the privacy of your own heart…the real work is your inner connection.”